I am just a little shell-shocked, but I am ok. I still feel strong, healthy notwithstanding the continuing bowel I am still ironing out, and I know I look good because everybody keeps saying so & this time I believe it because I am only 4 kg off my pre-diagnosis weight (63kg last weighed) and I feel pretty bloody good too. The sun is shining, I am about to spend 3 lovely weeks in Japan. I wont let the news get me down, I just need a few days to regroup. Yesterday my oncologist gave me my latest scan report & I'm afraid to say I have 3 new cancerous areas in my liver & the lung tumours continue to grow. My CEA (tumour marker) blood test has sky rocketed to double what it was 3 months ago so that probably explains why the liver tumors have appeared. Why is very difficult to say, but for sure I am been more relaxed about diet, etc so maybe a tightening of that would be useful. I have also allowed some stress to creep into every day life too, mainly caused by my laptop it has to be said. I cant deny some frustration trying to finish tracks for release & just the general feeling of energy disruption or depletion I feel when I am spending too much time answering too emails, trying to set up Mariana tours or events or generally getting sucked into Facebook, etc, in front of my wonderfully yet no doubt highly electromagnetically charged machine. So, resolution one is:
1. Get outdoors whenever possible. Light is life!
2. Forget about my ambitions, except those which are obviously healing. There's no point having 'success' if you are dead. Anyway I am already a good DJ, something that I can do in a state of almost meditative calm & which I enjoy very much. If I need to be creative with music thats how I can release it. That or finding an engineer to help me produce my tracks, if I really cant hold it in. I would really love to get my Tr nch works up till now done and dusted. But, not if it causes me stress!
3. Learn to surf. I've wanted to do it for years & this summer I am DEFINITELY going to start. Hopefully in the UK once I am back from Japan (to see some cherry blossom, do an event & then go to dear friends' wedding 4.6-23) then in California in August, where I hope to meet some friends so I can also go to Yosemite & the Redwood National Park to bond with some very very old & very very VERY tall ancient organisms who must have a lesson or two about my ambition to live to 100 years & out live the lot of you! I'm also looking forward to a week in Berlin in May.
That will do for now. As my new friend Tami said 'if they can grow in 3 months, then can go in 3 months'. I will toast my wheatgrass shot to that!
Be good & if you cant, for god's sake BE HEALTHY!!!
Dave
P.S. Race 3 on 31st March in Richmond - another 10k - still taking pledges. Even 10p per kilometre would be amazing, 50p brilliant! I am more motivated than ever to run the goal of 100km this year, to keep my fund going, plus raise some money for some wonderful small charities dear to me. PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY.
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Are you going to Japan aren't you? nice!! but look after your health in Japan as well.I already miss my friends...
ReplyDeleteListen,I moved up class of English school in two mounths.I'll do my best to move up next level.I will..
so,keep positive thinking and believe yourself.
Dave, you can do it!
Enjoy Japan! take care.